So I'm off to Napier today for 2 weeks for the New Zealand Singing School.
Have prepared 8 songs. 6 Musical Theatre and 2 Classical plus all the ensemble stuff we have to learn.
Yet to finish packing but I still have till tonight.
While I'm away (if anyone actually reads this blog) feel free to check out my new website http://www.rosieroulette.com/ ^_^
Sayonara minna-san! <3
Wednesday 2 January 2013
Psychologist, I choose YOU! ^-^
Otay. So today I decided to talk to my mother, let her in a little on my life, (shock horror). I told her how I am still struggling with this over-thinking thing and probably needed more specialized assistance as counsellors over the years just really have not worked for me. I do not need someone to just sit there and mindlessly listen to my life-problems, nor do I need someone who just sits there and says "Oh that's awful" or cries... (seriously? You're a counsellor! The, like, number one rule of counselling is not to get emotionally attached to your patients, because then you can't help them!) Hmm... -_-#
Anywho... So even though I am far more stable than I was when I suffered Clinical Depression some years ago and am rather the confident, awesome wee lass I am now, I accept no one is perfect and that years of emotional trauma do not just magically undo themselves and SO there is absolutely no shame in asking for/seeking help. Once I am back from NZ Singing School in Napier in a couple weeks I shall look into finding a proper psychologist who specializes in sexual abuse. I'm not quite sure if I should be so open about this with friends however, because although having a psychologist in America is a very common and relatively normal thing, here in NZ many look down on it...the whole 'she'll be right' attitude which would normally prevent these kind of kiwis from seeking help. I really do not understand humans...
Well. Sayonara minna-san.
Peace be with all. <3
Anywho... So even though I am far more stable than I was when I suffered Clinical Depression some years ago and am rather the confident, awesome wee lass I am now, I accept no one is perfect and that years of emotional trauma do not just magically undo themselves and SO there is absolutely no shame in asking for/seeking help. Once I am back from NZ Singing School in Napier in a couple weeks I shall look into finding a proper psychologist who specializes in sexual abuse. I'm not quite sure if I should be so open about this with friends however, because although having a psychologist in America is a very common and relatively normal thing, here in NZ many look down on it...the whole 'she'll be right' attitude which would normally prevent these kind of kiwis from seeking help. I really do not understand humans...
Well. Sayonara minna-san.
Peace be with all. <3
Tuesday 1 January 2013
New Years Party..
I would like to start with recentest of events as they are fresh in my mind...
I shall endeavor not to get too emotionally wrapped up in it, though it shall probably provide a nice segue into future posts concerning my past.
I started my evening performing 6 songs at the Hornby Working Mens Club as a warm-up act for Eddy Low to a lot of shall we say older folks. I couldn't tell if they were appreciative or not, I admittedly felt it rather awkward. ^-^;; However, I was paid anyhow and I suppose it was easy money.
Dylan, my boyfriend was there waiting for me after to whisk me away to a party at his flat. But instead of busing, instead we were offered a ride by a family friend who was the pianist in the band and was the one who had offered me the gig. I should say now that I had planned to not drink that night, because I don't really like drinking, I am inexperienced and know I am an extreme light weight, as they would say. However, in the car, Dylan said I should get something to drink or else I'll feel left out, which I suppose has the element of truth for most people, though personally I believe in making my own fun. But I bought into it and so picked up some Cindy's screwdrivers, something easy and no very alcoholic tasting.
I'll skip ahead. Basically, as the night chugged onward and I partook in some strange drinking games including one where he floor was 'lava' I was unaware that I had drunk more than I have ever so quickly and on an empty stomach too... I was looked after well though by my man, and his friends, but even so I managed to accidently break the towel rack in the bathroom and get very 'spinny'.
Best part of the night:
Dylan got his friends to distract me (easy as I was a little happy drunkard at said point) as he went outside to set something up. Then, as the countdown to midnight was about to start he led me outside closed my eyes and stood me in the middle of the driveway. As midnight struck he opened my eyes and kissed me as we stood in the middle of a circle of fireworks!!! How's that for a magical moment?? *^-^* I am blessed to have someone care so much for me and I have never felt so cared for nor have I been romanced or woed so wondrously! Words really don't do this moment justice...
Worst part of the night:
The clock ticked on, but by now I had no awareness of time. I had gotten myself quite intoxicated. -_-# As I was such, Dylan and his friend tried to convince me to go to bed, but I was stubborn, I wanted to join everyone and not retire early. See I was fully aware of most things but I was not able to control myself, like the towel rack incident. They tried to get me upstairs, but I really hate feeling forced and when the boy I didn't know touched me (trying to help me granted) I freaked out. My mind recessed. I yelled "Don't touch me" and broke free and before I knew what happened I was running. An old impulse, when I am totally freaked, upset, I run. And before I knew it I was out on the street and I was sprinting. But my little legs weren't any match for Dylan's long ones. He had pursued his little drunk, delusional girl out onto the streets and stopped me. Grabbed me and held me close.
Now you have to understand, in my mind I was reliving certain events of sexual abuse and assault which forever plague my mind. I sobbed and felt terrified, thought I had no real reason to be. After a while I started to register that Dylan was talking and saying "You're safe, you're with Dylan, Dylan, remember Dylan" and I began to snap out of it. But my panic attack had alarmed a few people and I was starting to realize what had really happened and felt a true fool. :/
Dylan then took me back to the flat and up to bed, I went willingly. And then something very unexpected happened. I vomited. Now this comes from a body that hasn't puked truly since childhood so I was shocked. And it was awful, gosh darn awful, all stomach acid. I do not understand for the life of me that youth can drink and do his so often. It makes me sad. D:
So that was my night. I apologized in the morning about the towel rack, but the general response seemed to be that it was a bit of drunken hilarity so that eased my mind. Yayy..off the hook...heh heh heh...^-^;;
Sayonara, minna-san.
<3
I shall endeavor not to get too emotionally wrapped up in it, though it shall probably provide a nice segue into future posts concerning my past.
I started my evening performing 6 songs at the Hornby Working Mens Club as a warm-up act for Eddy Low to a lot of shall we say older folks. I couldn't tell if they were appreciative or not, I admittedly felt it rather awkward. ^-^;; However, I was paid anyhow and I suppose it was easy money.
Dylan, my boyfriend was there waiting for me after to whisk me away to a party at his flat. But instead of busing, instead we were offered a ride by a family friend who was the pianist in the band and was the one who had offered me the gig. I should say now that I had planned to not drink that night, because I don't really like drinking, I am inexperienced and know I am an extreme light weight, as they would say. However, in the car, Dylan said I should get something to drink or else I'll feel left out, which I suppose has the element of truth for most people, though personally I believe in making my own fun. But I bought into it and so picked up some Cindy's screwdrivers, something easy and no very alcoholic tasting.
I'll skip ahead. Basically, as the night chugged onward and I partook in some strange drinking games including one where he floor was 'lava' I was unaware that I had drunk more than I have ever so quickly and on an empty stomach too... I was looked after well though by my man, and his friends, but even so I managed to accidently break the towel rack in the bathroom and get very 'spinny'.
Best part of the night:
Dylan got his friends to distract me (easy as I was a little happy drunkard at said point) as he went outside to set something up. Then, as the countdown to midnight was about to start he led me outside closed my eyes and stood me in the middle of the driveway. As midnight struck he opened my eyes and kissed me as we stood in the middle of a circle of fireworks!!! How's that for a magical moment?? *^-^* I am blessed to have someone care so much for me and I have never felt so cared for nor have I been romanced or woed so wondrously! Words really don't do this moment justice...
Worst part of the night:
The clock ticked on, but by now I had no awareness of time. I had gotten myself quite intoxicated. -_-# As I was such, Dylan and his friend tried to convince me to go to bed, but I was stubborn, I wanted to join everyone and not retire early. See I was fully aware of most things but I was not able to control myself, like the towel rack incident. They tried to get me upstairs, but I really hate feeling forced and when the boy I didn't know touched me (trying to help me granted) I freaked out. My mind recessed. I yelled "Don't touch me" and broke free and before I knew what happened I was running. An old impulse, when I am totally freaked, upset, I run. And before I knew it I was out on the street and I was sprinting. But my little legs weren't any match for Dylan's long ones. He had pursued his little drunk, delusional girl out onto the streets and stopped me. Grabbed me and held me close.
Now you have to understand, in my mind I was reliving certain events of sexual abuse and assault which forever plague my mind. I sobbed and felt terrified, thought I had no real reason to be. After a while I started to register that Dylan was talking and saying "You're safe, you're with Dylan, Dylan, remember Dylan" and I began to snap out of it. But my panic attack had alarmed a few people and I was starting to realize what had really happened and felt a true fool. :/
Dylan then took me back to the flat and up to bed, I went willingly. And then something very unexpected happened. I vomited. Now this comes from a body that hasn't puked truly since childhood so I was shocked. And it was awful, gosh darn awful, all stomach acid. I do not understand for the life of me that youth can drink and do his so often. It makes me sad. D:
So that was my night. I apologized in the morning about the towel rack, but the general response seemed to be that it was a bit of drunken hilarity so that eased my mind. Yayy..off the hook...heh heh heh...^-^;;
Sayonara, minna-san.
<3
A New Chapter for a New Year!
First off, Happy New Year!
Well, since this is a blog and I have given up on my Daily Outfit posts...I have decided to turn my little Lolita Asylum into fulfilling another purpose. I am going to document my life here. A little record for me to mull over and sort through. Maybe all of it? I don't know. But if I were to die before I finish my album I want to leave something behind of my struggles and my story.
Follow me into the darkness I know so well, if you so wish it...Muahahaha >:)
Well, since this is a blog and I have given up on my Daily Outfit posts...I have decided to turn my little Lolita Asylum into fulfilling another purpose. I am going to document my life here. A little record for me to mull over and sort through. Maybe all of it? I don't know. But if I were to die before I finish my album I want to leave something behind of my struggles and my story.
Follow me into the darkness I know so well, if you so wish it...Muahahaha >:)
Wednesday 30 May 2012
WORLD GOTH DAY/Daily Outfit # 21 (May 22nd)
Daily Outfit #21 (WORLD GOTH DAY!)
Emilie Autumn Tee: Made for me by my lovely Muffins :)
Cardie: Farmers
High Waist Cincer Skirt: TradeMe
Stripy Stockings: Cosmic
Shoes: Demonia
Emilie Autumn Tee: Made for me by my lovely Muffins :)
Cardie: Farmers
High Waist Cincer Skirt: TradeMe
Stripy Stockings: Cosmic
Shoes: Demonia
Daily Outfit #20
(I'm a little behind, please forgive me (_ _) )
Daily Outfit #20
(I dressed warmer than I needed to today expecting it to be colder)
Coat: Bodyline
Boots: Bodyline
(I dressed warmer than I needed to today expecting it to be colder)
Coat: Bodyline
Boots: Bodyline
Tuesday 15 May 2012
Daily Outfit #19
Daily Outfit #19
Bow: Bodyline
Dress: Qutieland/TradeMe
Socks/Boots: Bodyline
Busking in the Container Mall (Re:Start) today cos it was such a beautiful day! :D
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